Recent Entries

Current Mood: full
Current Location: seated on purple rug
Current Music: present tense, record setter

Entry tags:

tomes

hope that they float

it is official.
one box left and i am DONE packing.
i woke up and felt at home, at peace -- this is everywhere i need to be.
i was offered a job that i accepted on the spot.

yesterday i went to record setter's show in the mill hill basement. trenton, NJ. wonderful to support dTX bands and also they have a cult following where i'm originally from. super fucking energetic. the other bands i saw (philly punk) were similarly good, but couldn't hold a flame to the intrinsic sound of my homeland. so it was good. wonderful.

today has been ... flashback. i smoked weed yesterday and had a beer, i think selfishly to walk as close to the edge of self preservation as i could. do i care? do i not? not necessarily free fall, but when i awoke this morning and after aforementioned cleaning i had a crash landing.

i still feel the rough skin on their face and neck and chest. thier arms. the way they writhe like a snake. that smile that scares me. god, do i even listen to myself whilst describing them? my skin crawls even thinking about them. i do my best to forget and dwell instead on the warmth and slow swaying of my partner's arms, but they still prowl through the tangled brambles in my head. all the shit i sweep under the rug.

i'm no longer there.
i am here.

i guess i keep trying to unfurl broken, battered wings. they'll heal with time and conversation. processing. but for right now i think it's best i stay grounded and nest somewhere far above all that shit.

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Location: ... home.
Current Music: this could be anywhere in the world, alexisonfire

Entry tags:

tomes

A CATCHING UP OF SORTS

1570 miles later, i'm here.

this morning i made coffee and set out to burn a few CDs. this basement is fuckin' sick, a labyrinth, would love to have a show in the "main" room. pictures didn't do it justice whatsoever. for the next eleven months i will be living underground.

the porch is also lovely (the backyard porch, but the front porch is not too bad either). truly everything a girl needs.

my books are organized (mostly) and cds are arranged (mostly) and clothes are ... a work in progress. once we get the paint off and turn it a different color, i'm going to be STOKED to live here. like, way to exceed expectations.

this is the life for me.

virginia is beautiful by the way. i cannot wait to explore around, go driving, et cetera. take walks. just ... be myself, really. a lot of potential energy, the hiss of a valve release, a slow crack of dawn, unfurling of fern tendrils and wings all the same. the city. my city. my address. part and whole. i could very well burn down my whole life and start completely fresh. won't do anything that extreme -- gods, no! -- but a chemical peel and new skin sound just as lovely.

take care, good morning, love from the east coast and all
xp

Current Mood: loved
Current Location: dying in the summer heat
Current Music: turnpike divides, thursday

Entry tags:

tomes

without naming

passing the acute phase, momentary eclipse. patterns of behavior.

ten days until i am driving into the sunrise, singing east.

i haven't opened my physical journal in quite some time. it's truly difficult. to look back at the ... spaces in-between. lapse in memory.

pictures of New Brunswick, browsing Google Maps' street view. the Oranges. where my head is?-- it's real, i'm going to be there. less anxiety, less trepidation, more I'm going to wake up and in the blink of an eye my entire worldview will have changed and realigned with dreams now five years in the making. on that porch drinking coffee, on Routes 1 and 18, shore points ... less mine, more the coming together. i'm so fucking excited, man, I've eschewed so much to get here. starved&bled&gnashedteeth. I can't wait to bake in the humid summers back east, make it home. already looked @ EZ passes. at least TXDoT is better at fucking uhhhhhhh managing toll roads.

bands from my hometown are playing NYC or going to OK. in a sense this fills me with peace&love because they're getting bigger. everything's getting bigger, like some meteorite hurtling toward us. full of diamonds and space debris.

in other news i've picked up a pair of drum sticks and i'm teaching myself to play lefthanded. why? because I am an asshole and I'm not going to let the wrong-hand majority tell me how to navigate the world. muscle tank'd st. peter, broad shoulders glistening ... I am my own fan service. a one stop shop. i wanna hit things hard and fast, baby!!!!!

mmmm.

nothing else to update. not right now.

anonymous ask: you are image- and self-obsessed. your petty starving heart will stop before you ever have a career or family.

answer: guess who just saved up to move out of state in less than six months? oh, haha, that was me! guess who's drumming and practicing guitar? guess who's getting network-sandwiched in to the local DIY scene? guess who's going home? hmmmmmmOKALLRIGHT. speak your false truths!

it's just getting started!!!!!

Current Location: in the backseat of my car, with flashing high beams...
Current Music: make you cry, title fight

heavy and slow

nightmares.

lost count of # of coffees.

good news. getting new car... album list...

tooth extraction, numbed up, stroke the cavity w/yr tongue... soft absence, bloodbloodblood, like that with brain. everything...

holding myself together, doing such a great job.
what if i want to self destruct? what if i want to collapse? i don't want to be a person.
would that let people down or would they care or

doesn't matter. like what other people do.

it's my life.

figuring things out. sucks. necessary

Current Mood: numb
Current Music: me and mia, ted leo

Entry tags:

tomes

atrophy, atrophy

good day. slept in. went to gym sometime later and discovered that i've overworked my triceps in lieu of building my biceps, which is hilarious because it's usually the opposite. could barely do 15 lb bicep curls. with a bar. held by both my arms. jeez.

paprika
turmeric
ginger
black pepper
allspice
thyme
cavender's
lemon juice

beautiful out. back in the saddle. lovely. wow.

i dreamed of tall concrete buildings decorated with graffiti and my friends' laughter and daytime house parties and the ocean and i woke up thinking wow, this is it. it's all i want to talk about. morning traffic. kitchen tiles. open windows. get the fuck out.

Current Mood: groggy
Current Location: late for work
Current Music: bromeo // always good, prince daddy & the hyena

Entry tags:

tomes

special select 100s

it's all the wrong I've done, all the wrong I'll do
keeps me from trying, keeps me quiet!

woke up with jimmy eat world stuck in my head. had seven-ish coffees yesterday, plan to source the majority of my energy from caffeine today (a little monster and proffee never hurt anyone). fuck everything bad i said about pdaddy. well, i am listening to I thought you didn't even like leaving, so my opinion is a little biased. CTS is okay, better the second and third time i listened.

their new singles are fucking amazing. show in may.

last little update from a full time spaced out maniac. kinda wish i could wear what i want to work and put my headphones in and just do my own thing. i believe everyone else feels this way. on thursday i get to fake my weight and donate plasma, then possibly go on a date/see someone, and then on my next day off i want to brainstorm my future apartment and the ultimate music/hobby desk corner.

catch up soon.

xp